Welcome back to The Lemonade Stand for the 8th in our summer series on using whatever ingredients you have — the sour or the salty, the savory or the sweet — to find beauty in life.
You never thought it would happen in your family.
You have a daughter or son, a niece or nephew or grandchild who was That Kid.
You know the one.
He went to Christian camp and earned every merit badge possible. She loved VBS and invited friends to go with her. In high school he wore the WWJD t-shirts and talked of becoming a missionary. She aced Bible quizzing and won a scholarship to a Christian university.
And now?
Now that same kid who loved Jesus argues that he was just a good teacher, an inspirational figure, if the guy from Galilee really existed at all. Now the young adult who never missed church hasn’t attended in months, maybe years. Now the new parent you raised in the faith shows no interest in building that same foundation for your grandchildren.
What the heck?
Because that’s exactly what it feels like—as if hell itself has reached up and dragged your loved ones down into the abyss of our post-modern culture. Not that they’ve turned into hit men or drug dealers. They have jobs, pay taxes, contribute to society, are conscientious about healthcare and care about the environment. They’re good people, just no longer God people.
But when it comes to the care of the soul, what’s happened to make the nones (“List your religious affiliation: None”) the fastest growing demographic in the United States? Was your child, your former student, your next-door neighbor never a believer in the first place? Yet you know their faith to have been genuine.
What is happening to draw our young—and not-so-young — people away? Do the #Exvangelicals holding forth on YouTube and TikTok really have that much influence?
Here are a few words of hope, and an affordable resource that may help.
First, if you’re concerned about family members who have squirmed out of the hold of the faith they once embraced, you’re not alone. What is now labeled ‘deconstruction’ was once called apostasy or simply, a falling away. This is nothing new.
In the last letter the apostle Paul penned to Timothy, Paul encouraged his young protégé to pass along the truths Paul had taught him to others who would do the same. Yet in that very same epistle, Paul mentions six different individuals who went off the rails spiritually, trainwrecking their faith: Phygelus, Hermogenes, Hymenaeus, Philetus, Demas, and Alexander. Ouch!
Few things wound the heart of a soulcare-giver – be they parent, pastor, teacher, or missionary – than to see once strong believers go awol.
Secondly, remember that God loves them more than you do. You knew this already. Yes, he’s a God of justice who gives us what we deserve, but he’s also a God of mercy who doesn’t give us everything we deserve. Most of all, he’s a God of grace who has promised to give us what we don’t deserve. He showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were all still sinners (Romans 5:8).
The one who gave that child to you knows exactly what he or she is up to, and he’s available 24/7 to listen to them. Maybe we take a clue from that? They don’t need to hear our theology right now or our political convictions, however firmly we hold them. They need our unconditional love.
Third, look for the good in this situation, the strengthening of your own faith.
Can you confidently yet graciously explain why you carry the spiritual hope that you have? The time may come, after you’ve listened long and carefully to your loved one, that they’ll ask you why you still believe what you do.
I respect many who are asking tough questions about Christianity and insisting on answers. Some have legitimate grievances after watching high-profile faith leaders fall into sexual immorality rather than running from it, as Paul cautions (2 Tim. 2:22).
Others mistakenly believe that Christians are misogynistic or homophobic or just plain bigoted. Our culture makes it difficult for them to understand that holding a biblical worldview does not mean hating or fearing others. [Aside: One can hold differing opinions on women in ministry or the definition of marriage and still be a committed follower of Christ. Acceptance of a loved one’s decision to test a divergent worldview is not the same as agreement or affirmation.]
Still others have detected the stench of hypocrisy when mature believers who hold to high moral principles excuse the most egregious behaviors on the part of our national leaders. What gives, they say.
Do we have an answer?
Addressing a topic this significant in a letter-post this brief is to risk trivializing it.
Here’s a resource to help us understand what deconstruction is about and how to respond. You can get a copy of The Deconstruction of Christianity (Tyndale House, 2023) for less than the price of a takeout lunch.
Christian teachers have noted that the greatest challenge to a biblical worldview today is students’ view of truth—“mine” vs. “yours” – what might be called the authority of the self.
Yet Scripture contains this promise~
“But God’s truth stands firm like a foundation stone with this inscription: “The LORD knows those who are his.” 2 Timothy 2: 19a
No matter what winds of doctrine, disillusionment or cultural drift buffet our kids, God knows those who are his.
And that’s truth you can count on.
- Maggie Wallem Rowe, 2024
We’ve already had one giveaway this month, but let’s hold the one for August a week early! If you leave a comment below and include the word “help,” I’ll choose a name at random to win a copy of The Deconstruction of Christianity. Deadline to enter is Sunday, July 28.