Welcome back to our new Fall Series, “Letters from a Seasoned Soul.” Please take a moment at the end to jot a comment - they help me know what topics interest you most. I respond to each and every one.
And congratulations to Justina V of Rhode Island, winner of last week’s giveaway!
Friends, thank you for having my back.
Last week, a number of you received odd messages from a Facebook account bearing my full name and a spiffy photo of a blonde ponytailed woman who just might have been me if I’d lost 30 pounds and had extensive plastic surgery. You contacted me right away and reported the imposter, as did I. It took a few days, but the social media gurus finally shut down Fake Maggie’s account.
And then the real Maggie’s with it.
As of this writing, I’m out of Facebook jail and back online, but it was a reminder that the best way to communicate with you all safely is through these letters, not social media. I’m grateful to stay connected with you!
“Connected.” That’s the welcome word I hear when I switch on the speaker in my car. In North Carolina, hands-free use of a mobile phone while driving is mandated by law. If I want to chat while at the wheel, I simply stab the button and an impersonal voice assures me I’m connected.
Connecting in the twenty-first century is super simple. Except when it’s not.
We have faster ways to communicate than ever before: email, texting, and direct messages are available to anyone with a computer or smart phone. Social media lets us post opinions, photos, status updates and recipes with a few taps on a keyboard. Applications give us round-the-clock access to directions, transportation services, online shopping or ways to meet total strangers.
So with a seemingly infinite number of ways to connect, why are we so lonely? Why do studies show that fewer and fewer of us have confidants?
Confidant. A friend to confide in whom we can entrust with the secrets of our soul.
Someone with the patience to listen and not lecture, to be generous with her time without judging.
A bosom buddy, kindred spirit, soul mate.
The kind of person one little girl described as “a friend who keeps my name safe in her mouth.”
Don’t most of us long for someone like that in our life?
Maybe you know someone who fills that place for you right now. You’re fortunate to have this friendship and you know it. Yet what of the many adults who have no one to confide in at all? Men and women alike who feel moored on an island of alone-less in an ocean of connectivity?
Multiple studies over the years demonstrate that women in particular crave connection with others. Oxytocin, central to biological functions specific to women, is often called the “tend and befriend” hormone since it acts as a powerful neurotransmitter in the brain and promotes bonding. Men recognize the need for significant friendships as well, though some may be less intentional in seeking those connections.
Dave Eggers, author of the memoir A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, wrote of his need to write about his experience of raising his younger brother after losing both parents to cancer: “We share things for the obvious reasons; it makes us feel un-alone, it spreads the weight over a larger area, it holds the possibility of making our share lighter.”
In a world where we have more opportunities for connection yet are lonelier than ever, where do we go to find soul-connections with others, to feel less un-alone? How can we provide those emotional and spiritual connections for others?
Friendships are shape-shifting in the various seasons of life. As children, mere proximity is often sufficient. (“Hey, wanna come over and play with me?”) As teenagers and young adults, we gravitate towards those who have shared interests or, in some cases, common enemies.
Just as sites have existed online for years to connect people who like similar things, there are also platforms that recruit members according to shared dislikes, even hatred. Friendships become polarized as a result of vitriolic political campaigns or differences over social issues. Sadly, few things draw two dissimilar people together more quickly than their mutual dislike of a third.
The Bible, however, has something very different to say about the importance of human connections. We need one another. Animosity towards those holding positions contrary to our own is not the way of the cross. If we claim to love God while disdaining those created in his image, we live in self-deceit.
“I am giving you a new commandment;” Jesus said to his closest followers only days before his death. “Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love one another. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples” (John 13:34-35 NLT).
Human relationships grounded in spiritual realities must be cruciform - - robust horizontal connections between friends with a vertical dimension pointing both towards God.
Two are better than one, a well-known passage from Ecclesiastes reminds us, for they can help each other succeed. Whether we call it discipleship, mentoring or simply friendship forged in faith, making soul connections with others who are journeying towards God will inevitably strengthen our own walk.
Please take a moment and tell us how you meet your own need to make soul connections with others.
I’m so grateful to be connected to YOU!
With every blessing,
(the real) Maggie
Maggie Wallem Rowe is a dramatist and speaker who writes from Peace Ridge, her home in the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains. The author of This Life We Share and Life is Sweet, Y'all, Maggie loves staying connecting with old friends as well as new friends who are fit to make old friends out of.
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