Have You Made Your December To-Don’t List Yet?

Does your December calendar resemble that inn in Bethlehem—no room left anywhere?

Here’s what I’m subtracting from mine this year.

Mike and I were traveling most of November—the first half of the month in New England and the second in California. With adult children in four states and siblings in seven— each a plane-ride away—we travel a lot to see family. Last month we also had ministry events in the mix.

When we sat down to coordinate our December calendars after all that time away, it felt like opening an overstuffed suitcase—so many commitments crammed in that one more might make the whole thing burst.

A packed holiday calendar is nothing new for many of us, but do you know what I’ve added this year?

A To-Don’t List.

My friend Barb Roose introduced me to this concept in a post she wrote last year. A national speaker, literary agent, mom and author of the Stronger Than Stress Bible study, Barb and I are both prone to the too-much-to-do, too-little-of-you syndrome.

“As someone who can easily over-function,” Barb writes, “I made a To-Do list years ago that reflected my belief that my top priority is loving God, myself, and others. My daily To-Do List has five items: good sleep, healthy food, moving my body, time with God, and meaningful connections with others.”

But as for the rest of it, the Christmas decorating and hosting, shopping and baking, pageants and parties?

As Barb says, “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should…Feeling anxious or panicky about letting go of some things is okay. You might be worried about disappointing others or that things might fall apart. . . God hasn’t called you to be everything to everybody. You don’t need to feel pressured to fix every problem you find out about.”

Or, if we’re honest, to meet every expectation piled on you this month—including the ones you stack on yourself.

So what I am (reluctantly) subtracting from my schedule this month?

·      Filling Christmas shoeboxes and adopting local families. Our church packed and shipped over 500 boxes this year and is providing Christmas gifts for at least 150 local children. I had to refrain from helping with these important ministries as I have in the past, although we did donate shoebox items throughout the year.

Instead, Mike and I are planning and hosting a Blue Christmas service on the longest night of the year, December 21, as a time of quiet reflection and hope for those who find the season difficult due to grief, loss, or other burdens. We’ll also help with the Bethlehem village and marketplace outreach event for our community.

·      Writing, addressing, stamping and sending Christmas cards. For the first time in 49 years of marriage, ours will go out digitally this time. It’s a tough tradition to relinquish as I love receiving cards in the mail. Instead we’ll trim our time and postal costs while staying in touch via the computer (and my weekly letters here!)

·      Baking cookies. During our pastorate years, parishioners brought us so many cookies I never had to bake. We’ll have six family members home for Christmas, but this year the Episcopalians are baking for me—their ‘Cookie Walk’ sells tins of homemade treats to benefit a local shelter.

If you’re like me, it’s painful to subtract holiday activities you’ve always loved, but if we keep everything we’ll accomplish nothing.

I’m learning to release that which others can do while focusing on what God has specifically called me to, including honoring my 2026 deadline for the new book I’m writing. In between decking the halls and ducking in and out of malls, I’m hiding away to listen and write, pray and type.

But that said, there’s something we all need more of in our lives: 

“Add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;

And to knowledge temperance;

and to temperance patience;

and to patience godliness; and to godliness brotherly kindness;

and to brotherly kindness charity.” 2 Peter 1: 5-7

That’s the best kind of spiritual math when it comes to what to keep in our Christmas celebrations!

(Don't forget that our interactive community has moved to my Substack site! Please join the conversation there and pick up a few ideas from what others are doing—or wisely setting aside—this month. Your comments make this a community!)